Is honesty really - REALLY - the best policy?

Lately, I've had a little bit of an inner struggle regarding the direction of this blog. Now that I am (somewhat) employed, do I keep this blog up and running? Although I definitely do plan to document my internship throughout the summer and - hopefully - its eventual transformation into a job, I can't really write about my simultaneous search for something more full-time when my employers are aware of my online place of rambling. Disclaimer: yes, I am hoping for an offer from the company that I will intern for starting on Tuesday, but for security's sake, I still intend to apply for other positions, just in case. The scramble continues.

But, if I don't feel as if I can be fully honest about the continuation of my job search, what can I write about? Despite the unhealthy level of enjoyment I take in reading about the inner lives of celebrities, I get pretty uncomfortable when it comes to writing about my own friendships and relationships. As much as I respect honesty - and truthfully believe that exposing, vulnerable pieces are the best kind - when putting myself out there into the WWW, how much honesty is too much? I realize that this double-standard is unfair, but I just know I would wind up hurting someone's feelings. I also might make myself look like a jackass. I'm not sure which is worse.

Today, I had lunch with a friend of mine from school who had studied abroad in Rome last semester (as did I, a little over a year ago). After a half-hour of joint nostalgia, she told me that a girl her age in my sorority - one grade below myself - was about to film a pilot for a main cable network about her blog. Her blog is all about sex, how much she engages in it, and the answers to questions her many readers might have about it. In between our laughter, though, about how it was about time this girl got on a TV show and how it might reflect upon our sorority, I had some thoughts. Jealous thoughts.

I would absolutely love to have the kind of readership that this future reality starlet (oxymoron?) has. And it's only going to get bigger if this show actually gets picked up. I created this blog because I love to write, and although I don't necessarily update the site that often, I would like to know that others care about what I have to say, even if it's just my friends and family. But then, I realized: this girl's blog highlights all of her sexual escapades in explicit detail. Mine has a picture of scrambled eggs on the top banner. I guess I plead no contest?

Yeah, I acknowledge the fact that when it comes to writing - whether it's political journalism, tweeting about the LOST finale (still so many questions!), or mommy blogging, it's much better to be honest. Readers will respect you for it, whether they agree or disagree with you. And that's why I try to be as honest as possible when I write here. I just care too much about my future, including my career path, my friendships, etc., to publish every thought that pops into my head, no matter who it will offend. Call me chicken; as a writer, I deserve it. But if exposing my relationships in the most extreme detail is really all that will give me my Julie and Julia blog-turned-national-phenomenon moment, then I guess I'm okay with kissing that dream goodbye.

Where I've been, and where I'm going

One last "Hail to the Victors" at graduation

Guess what! I'm back! In fact, I didn't really go anywhere - neither did this blog, figuratively speaking, but that's besides the point. So, so much has been going on over these last few weeks (months? has it really been that long?) that I really have been too busy to blog, and seriously, that's the truth. And you know what? I'm not at all apologizing for this. My lost blogging minutes were spent studying for finals, applying for jobs, and doing absolutely nothing with my best friends while we were all actually in the same place. Oh, and I also watched President Obama deliver my commencement speech as I became a college graduate. NBD.

Here's some actual news: I got the internship! You know, the one I flew to New York to interview for. I was quite hesitant to take this position, since I'm basically getting paid nothing and that city ain't cheap; furthermore, although it's been hinted multiple times that I could get a full-time offer after the summer, this by no means is a guarantee. For type-A moi, this is no good. I want the security of an actual job, and I've been working my ass off to get one all year. Is that so much to ask for?

Apparently, it is. Although I did accept the internship I have continued to interview at other places, because I really do believe one should always keep his/her options open. I'm not sure if I'd take another job at this point, since I've already settled on the idea of this internship in New York, but you never know. Anyway, I spent 3 hours (!) at this one digital marketing agency the other day. Everyone seemed totally awesome, and I'm pretty sure they liked me back. Turns out, they did like me, but I guess not enough to actually offer me an entry-level position. "We do have a great internship, though." Ugh.

I've also been interviewing with an educational publishing company right here in Boston. Like I said, I've already wrapped my head around the idea of being in New York for this summer and possibly beyond, but, I have to admit, I'm really warming up to the concept of being in Boston. Maybe it's because I just found out that two of my best friends will be here after they graduate. Maybe it's because although he's looking for jobs in New York (anyone know of any open i-banking analyst positions?), my boyfriend might still be in Boston. Or, maybe it's just because I bought some really cute shoes on Newbury St. the other day. Whatever.

Bottom line is, why limit myself? Although I absolutely love New York City and I do hope I wind up there, I shouldn't consider it the be-all-end-all of locations to live my life in. That decision will be made - when the time comes - based upon the job opportunities that arise, and what will truly be best for me and my career. Surprisingly, I'm okay with not knowing exactly what's next. On deck for my more immediate future plans: Going to New York tomorrow to look for summer apartment rentals, trying to read Eclipse before the next Twilight movie comes out (sorry, Vaness), and enjoying the brisket my mom is cooking tonight in honor of the whole family back together.

Anxiety over button-downs and loafers (I mean, my interview)

It's definitely worth noting that I absolutely love to shop. Anyone who knows me (ahem, 100% of this blog's readership, most likely), knows that. But yesterday, I had to tackle the daunting task of purchasing a few items to make me look awesome and über-professional for my upcoming interview in New York. Let me tell you, this was not easy.

I like to pride myself upon the fact that, most of the time, I'm pretty good at picking out an outfit for myself or my friends, whether this is from within our own closets or while out at a store. I figured I would be a natural at shopping for a specific occassion, where the guidelines seem pretty simple: nothing too tight, nothing too low-cut, nothing too loud. I was wrong.

I already have a pair of nice black pants, and a conservative-chic 3/4 sleeve grey Theory blazer to hopefully knock this interview out of the park in less than two weeks. All I needed was an appropriate shirt for underneath, and a nice pair of flats; heels are out of the question for this all-day-long affair. But when I walked into my first store and started browsing the racks, I began to panic.

Although in my opinion, it's always better to over-dress for an interview, this is the first real, serious, business-y interview that I've ever had. While I currently own more clothes than I know what to do with, I've always worked in semi-trendy places. I looked around the store, not even knowing where to begin. I was seriously lost, and I needed help.

Even when I asked a sales girl for some assistance, I felt like I didn't know what the eff I was doing. Yeah, I love to shop, but I've never had to buy stuff like this before. How is it supposed to fit? Am I supposed to look uptight? I'm pretty sure I was in the middle of a panic attack in the fitting room, because I actually started to sweat profusely. I made a mental note that whatever shirt I wound up purchasing for the interview must be short-sleeved.

I wound up leaving with two shirts and a pair of shoes, most of which I actually think that I'm going to return. I found a shirt in my closet that works pretty well and still manages to feel somewhat like me, but the silver accents on my new loafers clash with the gold accents on my bag. Although my mom told me to calm down because it's "just clothes," I know that in order to be taken seriously, I have to look consistent. Hopefully I'll find another pair that works.

I never realized that shopping could be so stressful. What if I get this internship and take it? I'll have to get lots more stuffy business clothes, and I'm not sure if I can put myself through this again. Now that I've almost nailed the outfit, though, it's on to more important things. Like...actually preparing for the interview itself?

Taking the plunge

Okay, it's been FAR too long since my last post. What gives?

Well, what gives is that I've been out trying to live my life the best way that a second-semester senior can only know how. These past couple of weeks, my days have been filled with laying in sunshine, green beer, and, yes, attempting to complete (on an A-level) a few major assignments that I must fulfill before I graduate. "The Scramble" isn't just about getting her ass on full-time payroll after graduation, people. I've just been spending more time doing and less time writing about it.

But, good news! That internship interview last week went very well, and the folks over there called me the very next day to offer me a second-round. Woohoo! Only problem is, the second-round interviews are to be held at their New York office. The woman from HR that I have been corresponding with assured me that the communications/media consulting firm would be happy to arrange a series of phone interviews instead, and that this would not interfere with any final decisions.

I wasn't born yesterday. I know that, if I show up in person, groomed to perfection, with a glittering smile and stunning composure (this is my blog here and I can write about any fantasy world I damn choose), they would be fools to turn me away.

But after looking into flights, they didn't exactly cost peanuts. Also - and I feel like a brat for admitting this - but I honestly wondered if I would feel like I was missing out if I opted to leave school during one of my last few precious weeks left. Plus, despite my previous, more positive professed stance on internships, I have to admit that I was a bit hesitant to fly to New York just for an internship interview; I might not even get the internship, and even if I do, I might not get a full-time offer after that.

Luckily, my parents are dying for me to get/take this internship. Obviously, I'm very into the program also, but sometimes, it's that extra support that counts. In other words, after chatting with Harriet and Peter, we decided that flying out to NYC was definitely an investment to make. I leave April 7th, and I'm actually very excited. I even tacked an extra day of room onto the trip, so that I could hopefully schedule some other meetings. I'm just waiting on some return e-mails. And waiting...

As the semester winds down, I've learned that a full-time job offer isn't exactly necessary for post-graduate success. I have friends attending graduate school, friends teaching in Israel for a year, and friends who don't have the slightest idea where the hell they'll wind up. Although my admittedly type-A personality would love to have the anxiety of potential unemployment taken off my shoulders, I have confidence that in the long run, things will work out. In the meantime, all I can do is keep on truckin' with my applications, and enjoy my last 6 weeks of college - even if it means spending a little less time on this blog.

Girls networking badly

In case you haven't noticed, I have taken a much-needed hiatus from my online presence, including that within the blogosphere. Call me a hypocrite, but I actually have many other things going on in my life aside from this blog. Shocking, I know.

For the past few weeks, I have been studying incessantly for midterms, and enjoying a well-deserved vacation over my Spring Break. But even in between my time spent lounging on the beach, my naps, and my nights at the casino, of course, I couldn't help but think about that little nuisance that's looming over my head. You know, a job?

As I enjoyed sunny Aruba, so did about 400 young adults at my hotel, sent there with all expenses paid by CareerBuilder.com. Judging from how they sent so many employees (and their guests!) to the Caribbean simply for pleasure, clearly, this was a company that was doing well...and worth looking into. My boyfriend, ever-encouraging, told me that now was the time to network.

At the casino craps table on one of our first nights, I decided to use the sociability of this game to my advantage. I don't remember who started talking to whom, but I found myself in a conversation with the man in his late 20s/early 30s next to me. When he said that he worked for CareerBuilder and they they sent all these lucky people here because they're a great company that's "big on recognition," I asked him if they were hiring for anything entry-level, as I graduate from the University of Michigan this May and I'm very interested in online content development, to which he replied that he believed there were a few openings at the company. After chatting for a few minutes, the CareerBuilder employee told me that not only was he from Michigan (went to State, but I'll let that one slide), his wife was from Newton! Score.

After that interaction though - and a couple great rolls of the dice by my hotshot boyfriend - the conversation dwindled. I couldn't muster up the courage to get this guy's contact information, and we walked on to some other table games, all the while kicking myself as my boyfriend asked me what the hell happened. I guess I figured I had all week to schmooze, since the CareerBuilder people would be at the hotel until Friday.

In the end, I walked away with nothing but a peeling nose. For some reason, although we talked to lots of these people at the casino each night, I just couldn't close. I was on vacation, and so were they...although I could have scored myself a few business cards, the last thing I felt like doing was bothering them.

I usually don't like to call out the companies that I apply to, interview, or network with, because who knows what will come back to bite me in the ass? However, since I was such a flop with this one, I figure I have nothing to lose. Oh, well. There are plenty of other online conglomerates in the sea. For now, although my vacation is over, I'm happy to be back in the swing of things and enjoy the less than 2 months (!) I have left here.

A blow to my online self-confidence

Let me start this off by stating that I put a link to this blog on my resume. That's right, I actively advertise my "deep," random, and often biased thoughts to those I hope will hire me. When I started this blog, I truly believed that nobody out there really cared about what I had to say. Turns out, potential employers do - I've heard more than once that my interviewer/contact has checked out my blog. Since I know that some employers might see this post, I feel the need to preface the fact that my rant is not directed towards anyone in particular. It's just a general feeling that I've had brewing inside me since day one of my job search.

I think that it's a good thing that I put myself out there for anyone to see; our precious little world is rapidly becoming one filled with Tweeters, Flickr (-ers?), and bloggers. In particular, as I hope to become involved in the creative online industry, it's oh-so-important that I appear to somewhat know what I'm doing with that kind of stuff. Hopefully, that kind of competence is what my minute audience sees when they browse this site.

What I don't understand, though, is the lack of effective communication that I've experienced within this supposedly "2.0" web world. I could probably count on several hands the number of non-responses I have received after various e-mails and LinkedIn messages. When asking for a little advice about a specific job listing, or even just requesting the name of an HR contact from a UM alum, apparently, a short message in return is too lofty an expectation.

The best (read: worst) part about this is that I know these people are out there at their computers. When I get in touch with someone, I do my research. I Google them, check their Twitter feed, and mini-stalk them for a few minutes. So, if these people put themselves out there expecting to be heard and responded to, why not return the favor? It's the 21st century, and the Internet has enabled us to do amazing things when it comes to maintaining contact; it takes me a total of two minutes - tops - to send an e-mail from my BlackBerry. And then there's that feeling in the pit of my stomach that I get after the second go-around in messaging attempts: Is he/she not interested in me? Did he/she forget about me? Usually, I can't decide which outcome is worse.

I understand that, as a prospective entry-level employee, and sometimes a stranger, my needy e-mails are not necessarily high on the totem pole of to-do items for these people. I'm not that important, I get it. I just have a hard time believing that these people weren't once sitting in my chair, hoping for the miracle that is post-graduate employment, in a crappy economy to boot.

This has happened to me after initial, wonderful chats about setting up a phone interview or even a face-to-face interview. The contact relationship begins to bloom, I get excited, and then it dies a sudden death - and I look crazy after sending a third message ("just wanted to know if you were still interested in talking..."). What gives? Get with it, people.

Is "internship" a four-letter word?

A few weeks ago, I had a bunch of phone conversations with this particular company, thanks to an introduction to one of their higher-ups from my mom - yet another reason why she's the shizz. Anyway, all of these chats went pretty well; each person I spoke with seemed cool, and as I spoke to more and more of these employees, I could really see myself becoming a part of this team and what they do.

I'm not so sure that I'd call any of these conversations an "interview" per se. Each phone call lasted no longer than twenty minutes - some of them only ten - and it didn't really appear as though there was an actual position available that these people were looking to fill. Of course, they were all so nice, told me that I'd fit in well with the company, that they would be in touch, blah, blah, blah. But, I wondered, was I being led on?

This reminds me a little bit of sorority rush, where we aren't allowed to tell girls that we'll see them the following week, just in case they don't get invited back to our house (Mean Girls, much?). I'm also reminded of The Bachelor, which I watched last night for the first time thanks to all the roommate hype I endure on a daily basis. In the show, my friend Carrie informed me, contestants vying for the hottie's affection can tell him that they love him, but he is not allowed to say it back until the very end of the show. I wish interviews were like that. I've gotten my hopes up in the past, and as I've written, it's not pretty.

I e-mailed each of my "interviewers" to thank them for their time, and I didn't hear anything for a few weeks. I actually contacted the HR rep who I previously spoke with a few times, wondering whether the company had assessed their staffing needs or not. Time went on.

Finally, the HR lady got back to me, letting me know that although everyone really enjoyed speaking with me, the group was still unsure of their ability to bring on more full-time staff. They'd know more around May, she said, and if I was still available/interested, they'd definitely want to talk again. In the meantime, they are currently hiring summer (paid) interns, and she could set up an interview for that if I was down.

My immediate reaction: disappointment. Obviously I'd prefer a full-time job with the security of continued employment beyond August. I felt a little bit like the girl who was dirty-rushed, told by the older sorority chick that her house cannot wait to see her next round, only to find out that she was not invited back. But was this feeling warranted?

I tried to relax for a sec. True, if I took the interview, it could lead to signing on for yet another internship, only to possibly have to begin the employment search all over again. But, it also could lead to an eventual full-time position after the summer is over.

I had a few questions. One: if I took the interview and hypothetically got the internship, would I still be considered for entry-level positions in May? Her answer was yes. And two: if I took the internship interview, got hired, and was then offered a full-time job either during or prior to the actual internship, could/should I take it? I didn't actually ask her this one. After talking to my mom, we decided that the answer to that one had to be yes as well; as a recent grad, anyone would have to understand that I'm looking for something that will continue to pay the bills full-time. And besides, all of this is assuming that I even get the internship, which might not even happen.

I wrote the woman back and told her that I would be happy to take the internship. Let's face it, this employment search is going to take way, way longer than I originally anticipated. It would be nice to have something cool to fall back on, just in case I still don't have anything full-time by then. An internship can get your foot in the door, and a paid internship is even better. I've come to the realization that I'm not in any position to rule out opportunities or possibilities, no matter what they are. I'm just hoping that things work out eventually, even if an internship delays that satisfaction 'til after the summer.